Thursday, July 24, 2014

Making Jokes - Are you kidding me ?

This post is on jokes.  It started when my eldest wanted to learn to be humorous. Children are inspiration for my creation - jokes, crafts, blog and whatever. 

He asked, "Mum, can you write some jokes for me please?"

"What? Jokes? That's the last thing your mum's ever good at?", I thought. 

Well, but being a good mother, I did try. But still I can't crack up a good joke. Never mind, I started to observe. Using the slips of paper that he passed to me, I started compiling  as I observed the children.

Now, I no longer need to write the jokes on these slips of paper. Instead, I could share them on my blog. 

Enjoy them as they originated from children who are between 3 to 9 years.

1. A mother said to a child, "Hey, monkey, go have your bath. Look, you are just like a monkey climbing onto the ledge to reach the cupboard." Guess what, the child replied," Mom, if I am a monkey, you will be a bigger monkey! Because only monkeys can give birth to one! "

2. A daughter was taking her morning bath. Her daddy who wanted to use the bathroom said, "Hi darling, I am running late. Next time, find a better time to shower okay?" Guess what the daughter replied.
She said, " Yes daddy. The better time is now."

3. Once a girl told her cousin, "An apple a day keeps a doctor away." Her cousin replied ,"You are eating half an apple now." The girl looked back wide-eyed,"So it is half an apple a day keeps half the doctor away."

4. Two boys were fighting over who can press the button on the lift. One won and the other quickly rushed to the door to beat his friend in getting out of the lift first. In the midst of another fight, breaking down in tears, the door of the lift opened ! Except it was opened on the other side. The two boys looked at each other with their jaws sagged open !

5. One day, some children were going for P.E (physical education). Their PE teacher asked, "Do you want to play basketball or soccer?" The boys wanted to play soccer but the girls wanted to play basketball. There were more boys than girls. So the teacher said, "The majority wins." But one girl asked, "Who is majority? And why does he always win?"

6. One morning at the breakfast table, a family is planning the programme for the day. Mum said, "Exams are finally over! Yay, you are exempted from homework. We have lots of housework to do instead. And we need to get some new fishes for the aquarium,  do grocery shopping together and then rest in the house for the afternoon. Perhaps, in the evening, if we are all feeling a little bored, then we will go out and have a play. What do you think guys?"

W said, "But mum, I'm already bored now."

7. W was spraying water on the floor of the bathroom. Helper said, "No, W, don't make the floor wet." W said, "But I pee on the floor." Helper asked, "Why did you pee on the floor?" W said, "That's because I need to wash the floor."

8. A father who had lesser hair and balding had a conversation with his friend's toddler daughter. "Why did you not come to our house to play with our children? We didn't see you for a long time." 

She replied, "I didn't see your hair."

9. D4 poured lots of fish food into the aquarium. His elder brother, W, a preschooler commented, "I don't know what's wrong with D4.  D4 always pour things."

10. The maid in the house just removed a load of toys found in the fish tank and told D, "Next time, please don't put  toys in the fish tank." 

D replied, "It was not me. W put all the toys in." 

Mum overheard and commented, "No, I saw you put some in the fish tank."

D replied, "Yes, I put three in the fish tank but W put the other ten in." 

Maid commented, "Okay. Then next time don't say - it wasn't me."

11. A mum was replying to a question about Singapore's national sport. 

Not sure what it was, she turned to her son and asked, "What do you think is Singapore's National Sport?"

D replied, "It's table tennis."

Mum said, "I thought it was soccer."

The helper said, " Yes, I thought it was soccer too."

Mum asked, "Why?"

Helper said, "Because I saw soccer pictures everywhere."

D replied, "That's Brazil."

12. Two siblings were squabbling. 

S said, "Mum, just now, W hit me." W said, "That's because S hit me."  S said, "No, that was just an accident. I accidentally hit him with my book."

Mum said to W," She lost total control of her arms." S looked at mum in awe.?

13. Once, a son spent some S$ 500 unapproved expenditure of his dad due to his own lack of setting limits. Although being at fault, his dad asked, "I have only approved S$12, how do you plan to repay me?" His son said, "Stop one of my tuition classes. That would be enough to repay you." The dad was speechless. 

I will continue compiling and add to the fun. 

Have a nice day! 

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